My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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