I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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