best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
