I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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