shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
