omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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