You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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