she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
