What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
