the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
