i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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