24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
