I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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