A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
