guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
