You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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