i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
