sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
