I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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