dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
