My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
