remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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