Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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