A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
