So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
