hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize