Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
