dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
