I puked a lego.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
