I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
