2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
