Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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