I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
