I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
