i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
