I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
