Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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