I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
