No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
