it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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