the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
nutella sex= disaster
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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