im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
