then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just want nice things and good sex
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize