I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
