Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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