they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
