i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
