I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
