I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize