i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
