You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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