And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
