Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
