i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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