So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
two words: eviction party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
