Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
