my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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