Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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