i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
