Need sex. Gaining weight.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
