and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
