She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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