I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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