Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
