I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
