The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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