Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize