so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize