he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
