I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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