Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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