My cat gives me a boner
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
