i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am one with the molecules
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
