last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
