First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Success! We fucked roommates!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
