I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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