i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
