I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
