Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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