I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
